What am I even doing?

So I've sort of been through some serious life changes since enlightening my blog about my self diagnosis of APD. For example, I've completed several online personality disorder tests and come to the conclusion that as well as suffering from APD I also suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, a mild form of paranoia ad anti-social behaviour, obsessive compulsive tendencies and am, apparently, moderately Schizoid. I think I can definitely add hypochondria to my list of self diagnosed mental issues.

But on a more life changing note I have graduated high school, filled out (I'm not going to say sorted out because honestly, I wake up in the morning more often than not and ask myself why aren't I trying to bag me a rich man who will let me stay home for the rest of my life wearing pretty party dresses, baking and organising fundraisers for children in Africa) my QTAC preferences, gone to the Gold Coast for a week with no parental supervision, got literally swept off my feet on two separate occasions by shirtless, relatively attractive young man and got completely smashed to the point where I don't remember how I got to my bed or throwing up on one of my best friends.

Isn't life fantastic for me?

To be honest, I was expecting to feel a lot more than I am right now. I didn't cry at any of the school farewells but it's not like I was grinning like a loon either. I don't feel like I'm going to miss people, I know for sure that I'm not going to miss the workload but I think I will miss valid excuses for all-nighters that don't involve me getting out of my pyjamas (excuse me for enjoying night hours where I don't have to socialise- I am anti-social apparently). A week of solid social interaction has actually done me in and I'm dreading the thought of going out and socialising with some of my best friends tomorrow.

Thinking about this makes me realise that maybe I'm not histrionic. But then again I did decide that a blog post was necessary, that people would care and that my lack of strong emotions was actually a big deal. But that could just be the narcissism playing its own part in my everyday functions.

I don't think this blog made any sense whatsoever but I am beyond caring. Sam and Dean are calling me and demanding that I pay attention to their supernatural road trip. Fingers crossed more shirts are removed in this episode.

APD

I have an addictive personality. I don't mean that in the way that one meeting with me will have you craving my company for the the remainder of your life but in the way that I often and very quickly will become addicted to things. Now this is entirely self-diagnosed and no medical practitioner ever has even discussed this possibility with me but with a slight predisposition to self diagnosis (i.e hypochondria that once again, is entirely self-diagnosed) and the internet at hand, it seems a very likely. Basically I've decided that I can now chillbang with the likes of Charlie Sheen and other fucked up celebrities.

According to Wikipedia, people with Addictive Personalities will often "...will show impulsive behaviour such as excessive caffeine consumption, Internet usage, eating of chocolates or other sugar-laden foods, television watching, or even running."


The running does not sound like me but everything else does.


Compulsive buying is also a part of the disorder. I like buying things. A lot. Just see my book and DVD collection. I'm yet to read or watch some still. The symptoms just keep adding up. I seriously, totally have Addictive Personality Disorder.


So that is my self diagnosis. There are about another 20 of them because watch House a lot and you find out about a lot of obscure and horrible diseases that way. (Stay away from air conditioners that haven't had a water change recently- Legionnaires Disease sounds horrible and causes all sorts of symptoms apparently.)


Note to self: Try to stay away from the internet. It doesn't help, it just terrifies and enables you. And stay away from drugs and alcohol. Actually this gives you the best excuse to be an antisocial git and not go to parties. You can online shop instead. This is awesomebutnotatthesametime.

Modern History can die

I normally enjoy the subject immensely but I have reached the end of my tether and now all I can do is dream of wrapping a rope around the subject's throat and pulling tightly until the only sound that remains is the sound of my own ragged breathing and grateful sobs that it is "finally over."

Extreme? Most definitely. But when you have to write a 1500+ word essay on a topic that will have very little research supporting it, because let's face it, America won't admit to its mistakes in the Vietnam War (I don't think many countries would but at the moment, that is entirely beside the point) I dare you not to feel this same frustration (especially when you know a lot thanks to general discussions with your teacher but it seems as though she has made up her information because it DOES. NOT. EXIST. ANYWHERE.)

Should I be working on it now? Yes. Will I? Probably not because I fear that it will result in the research book that is at least one third of my grade torn up by a blue biro.

But I will go before bad grammar can take over any more of this post. May the rest of your weekend be more enjoyable than mine.

Realising the Undeniable Truth

It's something that I should have realised long ago. It's clear as day or the colour of my hair to everyone else who has ever existed and I think that I have known about it for quite some time. I just never realised the extent of it.

It happened in the line at the tuckshop. I was busy contemplating what it was that I wished to consume for my midday meal when I felt a sharp tug on my hair. I quickly turned around, prepared to rage at the person behind me, when I stopped at the sight of my friend covering her mouth and trying not to laugh 4 people behind me while the girl from the junior school who unfortunately for her was behind me looked somewhat terrified. Now before you start thinking, "Is her realisation that she has anger issues?" I want you to stop. I actually don't. I have an annoyingly happy disposition most days of the month. My realisation came mere seconds after I realised that it wasn't the 13 year old girl that tugged on my hair and I called out to my friend, "You stupid cow! You nearly made me go Hulk on this girl!" I then turned and apologised to the girl and turned back to the front of the line.

Then it hit me.

Hulk.

The only way that I could refer to my rage was "nearly [going] Hulk on this girl." Yes, my friends, my realisation was that I am undeniably and irreversibly nerdy.

It isn't just this one reference either. I've known I was a bit geeky for a while. I browse the internet and have some major LOLs at cats and memes. I refer to funny things I find on the internet almost constantly. I browse web stores like thinkgeek.com all the time and think, "If only I had some more cash in my Paypal account, then I could buy the shirt from Shaun of the Dead." And have you noticed the amount of internet references here? If that doesn't say enough already then you my friend are also a nerd.

But it doesn't stop there. I saw The Avengers the first day it was in cinemas (the first session that that particular cinema was holding, in fact) and understood every reference to every film that preceded it. I clapped at the achievements of characters because they deserved it. And then I walked away contemplating character development and making excuses for Loki because God knows he needs psychiatric help.

Then there is the fact I am set to feature in my friend's upcoming documentary about books and the girls that read them. I am most excited and check into the Facebook page every day to hear the latest about amusing book related photos (found on the internet) and discuss childhood book, books that made me cry, fictional characters and what I would like to do to them (some will be my sex slaves and others will be bludgeoned to death with Twilight because they deserve no better)

I've read fanfiction. What makes this nerdier than it already sounds is the fact that most of it was Harry Potter fanfiction. Which makes me think of Harry Potter. Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with Harry Potter nerds so I had company when I dressed up as Sirius Black to see The Deathly Hallows Part 2 at midnight. I also make constant reference to the books or films whenever possible because I find it funny.

Other nerdy pursuits include collecting films, collecting books, making lists of things I own, things I would like to own, things I need to do and lists of my lists. I've also watched Sherlock, Doctor Who, Dark Angel and obsessed heavily over NCIS. And sadly, this is just the beginning. I'm writing a blog for goodness sake! I have been known to make up words, mentally date several celebrities at once and discuss Youtube subscriptions in person and then spend hours that evening watching videos and wondering how I got to that magical place on the interweb.

But I'm not ashamed. The thing I find most sad about this is that it feels like I've only scratched the surface of my nerdy/geeky behaviour and that I have so much more to share. I shall wrap it up here before I actually re-read what it says (despite having a reasonably high self-esteem, I am actually self aware and have the ability to be embarrassed.) 

So this is me basically. I'm nerdy, fangirly and if anyone who reads this met me or knows me, they would probably say louder than expected. And because this is an undeniable truth, I endeavour to enjoy it.